When a purple line bled across that strip of paper a decade ago, I cried, a sliver of litmus driving deep into my heart.
Positive. Pregnant. A person growing within this womb? Person making me sick. My hand trembled and my stomach lurched and I wretched.
Fear is a quick poison.
I slid to the floor, hugged my knees, and rocked with grief. Cradling me and our firstborn not yet born.
What business did God have giving this twenty-one-year-old a soul to birth? I’d been married less than a dozen weeks. But more critical than my youth was the anguishing knowledge of how broken I was, how little I had to offer in the shaping of another human being.
If I myself was bent and crooked, how could I possibly raise a sapling into a straight, strong tree?
I cried myself to sleep.
We told no one in our church family that I was expecting until I was 7 months pregnant.
I wish someone had taken me, a young girl trembling with fear, and offered me a theology of parenting…
- How did God Almighty parent His children?
- What did Scripture teach about mothering?
- How could I mother with a heart after God’s?
That firstborn babe I finally held on the eve of Mother’s Day…. he turns 14 this coming week.
And as I celebrate the wonder of that grand boy, give thanks to God for gently leading those with young… I finally hold the book I wished someone had given that terrified mother I once was… and still often am.
Leslie Leyland Fields, mother of six and author of Parenting Is Your Highest Calling: And Eight Other Myths That Trap Us in Worry and Guilt
With Mother’s Day happily blooming on our calendar’s this week, I’ve invited Leslie to come and sit in this quiet corner of the web, and share her heart about what the parenting heart of Father God is….
Leslie, in Parenting Is Your Highest Calling
“How do I raise my children in a God-honoring way?” (p. 108)
Is there any way to unpack an answer to that heart howl for parents trying to find their way?
Ithink we have to let go of our very western and even American idea that we can control and manage our children like we manage our other assets and resources. Every child is an incredible, unique creation of God, filled with a mind and a will bent away from submission.
When God gifts us with a child, every aspect of our lives is going to change. And some of it is going to be outside of our control, even outside our understanding.
We have to accept the reality that there is much uncertainty in parenting. Parenting is very much a walk by faith rather than by sight. God has planned it this way. Rather than relying on ourselves and our capabilities, we are constantly thrown upon the throne of God, feeling helpless and overwhelmed.
That is right where God wants us—at his feet. So the source of so much pain in parenting, sends us to source of the greatest solace—God himself.
The title of this book is provocative:: ” Parenting Is Your Highest Calling: And Eight Other Myths…
But you rightly point out that loving God with all our heart and soul and mind is our highest calling. At the crux of your book lies this statement that keeps ringing me:
“If I pursue God first as my highest call and am satisfied in His love, then I am freed not to love my children less but to love them rightly.”
Can you share more how this plays out in your mothering journey?
When I focus on loving God first, then it seems to set everything in a clearer perspective.
I can resist the constant temptation to see my children as extensions of myself, which gets me into a lot of trouble!
I can resist the temptation to find my identity, significance and purpose through my children instead of through Christ.
When I get this order right—loving God first—an amazing thing happens. I have so much more love—the right kind of love!– to offer my children. I have less pride, more understanding and patience to offer. My kids benefit in another way as well. I’m no longer looking to them to provide what only God can provide!
You quote from Reb Bradley’s must-read article, “Solving the Crisis in Homeschooling”: “We wanted to do whatever it took to get results with our children,” he writes. But they made a serious error, he confesses:
“We majored on the process, and we gleaned new techniques we would stir them in to the parenting mix, subjecting our children to it…. We loved our kids, but who they were as people was inconsequential to our process… I had yet to learn that fruitful parenting is more about people than process. ….
I am learning to mistrust claims of single biblical model for parenting…
Godly parenting begins not in the rules we or other people make for our children but in pursuing a genuine relationship with God.” (p.114)
It becomes very apparent, both from Reb Bradley’s experience and from your debunking of myths we believe as parents, that our ultimate parenting work is pursuing relationship with God. Why does that seem counter-intuitive to us and how do we practically do that hard work of parenting?
I understand that this message may sound strange and counter-intuitive to parents. I think that’s because of the huge responsibilities we have as parents. We’re responsible for our children, our house, some part of our finances, sometimes our children’s education, and much more! We learn to get all this done through efficiency, self-discipline, rules and lists. We get an incredible amount of work done!
But our largest responsibilities as a parent, our spiritual responsibilities, are not accomplished by these same means; not by rules, efficiency and lists, but rather, by our own authentic hungering after God. We are such do-ers! We want to make our children godly and spiritual by doing as well! But ultimately this doesn’t touch the heart. If it’s all and only human effort, it doesn’t work.
I think of Manoah and his wife, the parents of Samson. When the angel announced that a son was coming to bless the infertile couple, they both were terrified, and fell on their knees asking, “How do we raise this child?”
They knew this task was beyond them. So they were looking for a parenting plan, a to-do list to raise their son by. But God didn’t provide that. Instead, he gave guidelines for both parents and son that taught them nothing about child-rearing, but everything about keeping them in fellowship with Himself.
This is where godly parenting begins and ends—with God’s grace, not our effort.
:::
I’m learning the truth of that which you speak, Leslie: that parenting is not about our own aptitudes, but God drawing the broken to Himself to do healing and wonders that only His grace can. My genuine thanks for sharing what Scripture really has to say about parenting. I’m looking forward to Leslie again slipping into this quiet corner tomorrow to further reflect on how to mother like our Father…
:::
GIVEWAY TO CELEBRATE MOTHERS:
Motherhood is a calling to be honored.
May I celebrate yours?
As we approach Mother’s Day, may I offer a giveaway ?
A way to support you in your daily, hallowed work.
(Or is there a wife or mother in your life you’d like to bless?)
One randomly chosen reader will receive …
~ A copy of Leslie Leyland Field’s book:
Parenting Is Your Highest Calling: And Eight Other Myths That Trap Us in Worry and Guilt
~ and a sterling silver necklace… a love medallion for the daily race of faith a mother runs….
(And if you know a mama that needs encouragment… invite her to drop in, read some hope, and leave her name too… )
To enter the giveaway, I’ll wrestle open the creaky door of the comment box, blow the dust off around here and warmly invite you to tap out a wave in the comment box of this post. (Yes, the comments are really opened; I feel shy too! But what a delight to find a note from you here — I’m smiling, waving back!) We’ll let random number generator select a name by Wednesday night 9:30 p.m. EST.
Photos: framed photos of our six babies that sits atop the pie safe in the living room….
… with a gift from author and painter Emily Weirenga entitled “Mother of Thousands” inspired by the post “How We Parent Thousands“
