The 4 Minute Marriage Habit: How to make 2012 the year you fall madly in love all over again
He lays his hand on my shoulder.
Water drips from strands tousled and a rivulet runs down the small of my back.
“I have no idea what to wear.” I’m paying him no mind, standing before the closet with my towel, mumbling words. Hangers clatter.
“What you’re wearing is rather pretty.” His stubble finds the curve of my neck.
“No…” I laugh, embarrassed, try to squirm out of those arms wrapped around, reach for a dress at the back of the closet, stretch far away.
“Don’t be silly…. I just need something simple….”
I can feel him still, arms around me, tensed, steady. I know. I know what words will now come. He says them slow, low, and they run down my spine…
“When I say that you’re beautiful…”
His hands on my shoulder, he turns me, and I can’t look, too ashamed.
“You said you’d hear me.”
“I know… When I asked you how I could be a better wife — that’s what you said.” Deep breath, open heart, open eyes. I look into his.
“You said that…” I’m wincing… ” When you say I’m beautiful…. I’m supposed to believe it. Just receive your love.”
Why is receiving his love always the hardest?
We lean and our foreheads touch, breath mingling.
Love falls softly; it cannot be forced. I have tried. That forcing just about undid us.
Funny, how love, this thing muscular and the only eternal, this bridge between our souls, it sags sorely under pressure. Love can’t bear the weight of our expectations.
Cracking at the joists when I’ve slammed a foot in demand andI have. When I’ve peered sharp in the over analysis and I still do. Our bridge has near split, swayed hard and only grace continues to save us.
The days and the years, they teach me these unexpected things:
Love isn’t a function of communication so much as Love’s a function of communion.
And sometimes it isn’t poor communication that fractures the marriage communion. It’s the fractured communion that poorly communicates. I am always this slow learner.
Maybe sometimes it’s best not to use so many words? Words can sometimes only magnify the fractures. Maybe communication only deepens after the closeness and communion deepens.
It’s the souls that are simply together, that are close, that laugh.
That let the eyes linger and the fingertips meet, that find their way back to the beginning and the relive the memory and the flame every morning.
How we first fell and ignited.
How can I wear love as this habit?
The 4 Minute Marriage Habit:
How to Fall in Love Again in Four Minutes A Day
It only takes four minutes a day to move into a deeper heart place. Four minutes a day to connect, deepen the communion. Live koinonia.
Who doesn’t want a deeper relationship?
1. Four Focuses
Four times a day focus on the love you vowed. When I leave the marriage bed, leave the front door, when I return to front door, return to marriage bed. These are the four critical archways of time in our day. Touch or whisper a sweet nothing when passing through these gate points, and we walk into hours of closeness. It’s the focus that makes old love fresh love.
2. Four Embraces
Four times a day, embrace. Embrace fully and hold each other’s eyes. That’s all. Repeat four times daily. The one flesh breathes best when the skin pores are close; connected.
3. Four Affirmations
Four times during the day, thank him.
For working faithfully, for hanging up his towel, for putting gas in the van, for making this heart skip a wild beat. Look for the ways to thank him and watch how he moves closer.
“Thank you.” I stand on tipped toes, hair still dripping, brush his cheek with the words.
“Thank you.” Could I begin to just receive what he’s trying to give?
Love comes in the surrender, in the falling.
“You mean, thank you for this?” His eyes glint, a kindling, and we’re a laughing mess and love is more than words.
Love’s this life-weaving, a braid of a three fold cord, Love Himself in the center.
His fingers find mine. This is what to wear, the perfect habit to wear —
The years and the lives all lacing together, my love slipping quiet through his.
The 4 Minute Marriage Habit to Fall in Love Again:
4 Focuses + 4 Embraces + 4 affirmations = Falling in love all over again
edited post from the archives
Every Wednesday, we Walk with Him, posting a spiritual practice that draws us nearer to His heart.
Next Week (Let’s spend one more week on habits, yes?): The Practice of New Habits How do we begin again every day? How do we make a fresh start every day and begin anew? We look forward to your thoughts, stories, ideas….
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