When You’re Broken & Don’t Know Where to Go:
When she was standing there in the spring, under the blaze of the blooming trees, I could remember 13.
I could remember the burn of the unfurl, and how the becoming sears, and how does a mother help a daughter light?
How does a woman be a light?
We had walked down to the water’s edge.
The sky smothered like a grey blanket and I could feel her struggling flail, all our struggling flail, and the lake wavering.
She’d wandered into things. I’d failed. Sin serpentines everywhere. We’re mother and daughter on the edge of the world and broken.
We’d stood there on the shore waiting.
Waiting for something to come in, waiting for revelation. She sat and tapped her feet in the water like notes. How can you stand so close to someone and there be a whole ocean of questions between you?
Does she know why I have no words, why am I trusting the quiet, the confidence in Him?
I have never mothered a girl into a woman before and you can’t build Rome in a day or even in a whole lifetime and the largest a mother ever is, is just before the swollen birthing, and after that she spends the rest of her life small, so very small.
The sky stretched everywhere, stretched sheath-thin, like right before a delivery.
Her hair blew long in the wind. Simply being in company can be conversation.
When her eyes reflected the surge, when she sat on the shore on the smoothed stones, she looked up at me and startled me with this flash of everything deep inside:
“Where do I go from here?”
And I had looked into my daughter.
Where do all the broken ones go?
And it was right at the end of summer, before the trees blazed again, right before the winter and all the dark coming, that I gave it to her, etched in steel for her wrist, a prayer for Him to come, pure revelation:
Let Your light Shine.
Because it’s just the same way for all the girls made women — just as when she was a little girl.
When she would turn her flashlight on and turn her face down into it and say, “But it doesn’t look like there’s any light — I need to go find…”
And then she’d wander off looking for the darkest place, the closet, under the bed, a place full of pitch — and then you could hear her laugh, “Yes!”
That’s where the broken ones need to go, us broken ones. The broken ones need to stand in the dark so His light can get out. It’s the dark that needs the broken ones — to shatter the dark.
Because she was right:
You have to stand in the dark to see that you’re a light.
You can only see your light is shining when you are standing in the dark.
And it’s there, written right on her — the call and how to live and where to go right where she is — and you can see it right in her, the way a woman becomes His woman:
the flame in the face, all the light everywhere pushing back the black.
“You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world.
God is not a secret to be kept.
We’re going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you?
I’m putting you on a light stand.
Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand — SHINE!”
~ Jesus, Matthew 5:16 MSG
Resource: Let Your Light Shine Bracelet …
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