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fear

  • when it’s all pressing in : the fluid principle

    On Wednesday, October 19 th, 2011

    I‘m standing at the counter, day seeping in without knocking, jotting down a list of the day’s tasks, the work of a week, in my journal, and it’s just a tad overwhelming. I’m trying to remember just to breathe… And then I am fifteen again. That summer I gripped the handlebars of a Honda Goldwing, weave around margarine tubs set up as pylons in the ...

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  • The Very Best Place to Really Hope

    On Wednesday, September 28 th, 2011

    The boys paddle through the waters, one strong stroke at a time, and I watch their wake. The way they keep moving ahead, just keep moving ahead. It could be this way: that I cease seeking to escape pilgrim life, that I embrace the journey, that I not want any different road for my life than the road He winnows. It’s when they turn the far side of the island, they find ...

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  • when longing to choose joy

    On Monday, September 19 th, 2011

    The ring Sara sent me in June, it didn’t fit on my middle finger. Sara had wore it on her middle finger — until the ring’s sterling silver weight had made her enflamed knuckles burn. That’s when she wound it off slow, slipped in an envelope and had her grocery lady drop it off at the post office. Sara knew. The fire in my bones had been about extinguished. If I wore...

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  • for the hard and windy days

    On Wednesday, September 14 th, 2011

    The seasons are changing — it’s there on the wind. We find socks again. We clean out the flowerbeds, plow up more of the garden, tend to the trellis with all its last blooms. Beauty, it can be a strange flower, unfurling in the hard seasons — most fragrant in the wind. I wonder at that too — In the pruning of the branches, the vinedresser is closest, bre...

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  • when you need peace …

    On Tuesday, September 06 th, 2011

    So ends come, and beginnings too. They always come together those two —like friends trusting each other. The summer that was, it ends, slips behind us, and we’ll all spin a bit further around the sun and how do I know if I’ve followed you out on enough limbs yet? I love how you grin and lean. I think I’d like a few more bare foot days with you. Because...

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  • before you get to walk on water…

    On Thursday, September 01 st, 2011

    Sometimes you just have to get into the boat. Because getting into the boat comes before you get to walk on water. Every miracle always begins with the first ordinary step of faithfulness. So I clap as they launch and they grin, us at this edge of beginning. I watch three brothers get into a boat and watch their oars break the water of worry’s womb, and birth ...

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  • The Real Weather Forecast for the Weekend

    On Friday, August 26 th, 2011

    He says he can feel it, the way fall’s beginning to blow in, the sky all undecided. She stands at the sink, elbow deep in suds and steel pots, while he tells her about weather. Tells her about patterns and forecasts and radars and frontal systems. The Farmer follows the sky the way some men follow sports. Staying up late, following the ways of God… She scrubs potato...

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  • when somedays seem like a struggle…

    On Friday, August 12 th, 2011

    It was right up there, after  the woman in the buggy turned a corner. After she turned a corner and passed the humility of wheat, the sheaves bowed and surrendered. After she took one long breath and released her grip and let the reins lie loose across her open palm. After she’d just decided that, wherever this road led, she would simply cling to God. After that ̵...

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  • the beauty of living in glass houses

    On Monday, June 27 th, 2011

    I sit before this screen like a held sparrow with her pulse pounding her whole body loud —  so scared. Scared to unbutton a bit of my skin and bare this one beating heart. I used to fly; I remember this. How to unfold winged hope and enfold the wind in free-falling trust. I remember thinking the sky all empty space. This can make a sparrow brave. I remember believing ...

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  • Breathing through the Hard Thanks

    On Tuesday, March 01 st, 2011

    Afriend comes to the door last night, hauls in over the dog laying flat out on the front porch, and she stands there in the entrance beside the piano — that’s because we have no where else for a piano, but who minds walking right into music? — and with her hand resting there by the ivories, she tells me that in the midst of it all, she’s working on brea...

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  • Of Jesus, Comfort Zones & the NYTimes BestSellers List

    On Monday, February 28 th, 2011

    I hear it on Sunday, thinking the preacher’s looking straight at me, me trying to look away: “When God moves us out of our comfort zone —- into places that are way bigger than us, places that are difficult, hard, painful —- that even hurt — this is a gift. We are being given a gift. These hard places give us the gift of intimately knowing God in ways that would neve...

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  • How To Fall in Love With God

    On Friday, January 28 th, 2011

    The farm boys stand at the brink of The Falls and watch the slabs of ice slip over. “Remember Paddle-to-the-Sea , Mom?” Caleb asks me over the water thunder. Malakai and Levi are peeking through the ice swirl of the wrought iron railing to watch what happens at the edge of the world. Caleb’s smiling. “Can you imagine, Mom?” I shake my head.  The c...

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